Sedatives

Since this all began each time I go to the doctor he asks me if I am okay,, how I am sleeping, if I need anything to help with sleep, or depression. I always tell him the same thing I am doing okay. My days are fine. In fact they go by rather quickly. At work I am soo busy I don't have time to think about it too much. And my evenings are filled with Avery's homework the needs of Tucker and Jordyn, fixing dinner, trying to maintain a decent looking house, and whatever other things might be going on. As for sleep. I have discovered it is not my worries of Mackinley that keep me awake. I know that while she won't be in my arms for very long she will go back to our Heavenly FAther to be in his. Which I am sure is a safer place then in mine.
The thing that keeps me awake is how we are going to take care of the other 3. By the time this is said and done we will be carrying between 8-10,000 dollars in medical bills. After insurance. And that doesn't even include funeral expenses. SO would I like a sedative? Sometimes I think "ABSOLUTELY." Could I ever take one. No, because I know that once I did and it took all the worries of everyday life away (because tylenol makes me sleep for 8 hours) I would not have the strength to come back and face them. I believe for me it would be much easier to not deal with the realities of life. But this life wasn't meant to be easy. It wouldn't be a test if it was.